I'm writing this on a Monday night. Monday is a strange day for musicians. No one really plays gigs on a Monday so it's kind of like a 'Sunday' for performers. The problem is it gives you a chance to contemplate what has been and what will be. To think about the gigs you've played recently and the ones you have coming up. A chance to build up (in your mind) things that need not be built up.
I was recently speaking to a much younger musician who was saying how much they were looking forward to their up coming gig. I realised I wasn't looking forward to mine at all. It made me sad, guilty and surprised all at the same time. When did I stop enjoying gigging?!?!
The answer is that I haven't stopped enjoying it. I still love playing music with my friends. It is one of life's great pleasures. The problem is that it is no longer an occasional thing. It happens all the time. Therefore it's understandable that the novelty wears off. You can't expect to feel that buzz forever. It's sad that the post-gig downer is still very much present but I guess you can't avoid that if you go from a large crowd of people to no one in the space of an hour or so.
It makes me think that I must do more to reignite my excitement. What can make the ordinary extraordinary again?
I was speaking about this problem to a friend the other day. He pointed out that not many people can go out on a saturday night to a pub, have a few beers, be the centre of attention all evening and then get paid for it. I should stop looking a gift-horse in the mouth and be grateful for what I have.
He is absolutely right. I have nothing to complain about. Once again I have let my wandering brain take me to a place I have no right to be.
This famous quote sums it up perfectly.
Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.
So if anyone sees me at a gig, looking like I'd rather be somewhere else. Feel free to remind me of how lucky I am. I do need to be reminded from time to time.
x
